The Black Butler Debate Team
by Ella is a teacup
Summary: The characters of Black Butler must all love arguing a lot, because they do it so often. (Seriously, in the manga, Ciel even finds ways to argue with himself . . . and you think Undertaker is mad?) So I decided to put some rules in these arguments, and call them debates. This should be . . . interesting.
1. Chapter 1

Grell had a problem. He was standing directly across from his Sebas-chan, which was not a bad thing at all. He was behind a lectern, resting his arms on top of it, in a small room he had never seen in his life. He had no idea how he got there. Neither of those two things were a problem, either. He had his chainsaw, if things got nasty.

The thing bothering him was the teacup. From a distance, you could be mistaken for thinking it was just a normal sized, china teacup with swirly, multicolored patterns. But even with his faulty sight, Grell could make out strange features on it. Were those . . . eyes? And a mouth? Yes. Hazel eyes and a slightly crazy smile covered the teacup. The teacup sat on a chair, oblivious to Grell's confusion.

_What happened? _He thought, standing up straight. _How did I get here? _He shook himself awake, then thought again._ Oh, yes. I think I joined a debate club or something. _He wanted to close his eyes again. _Why did I do that? I solve everything with a hard swing from my chainsaw_, he thought sadly. _I can't even get a boyfriend, let alone debate._

"Hello? Grell, are you still with us?" The teacup asked. Grell gave it a look that could have meant many things, none of them good.

"Uh . . . Yes?"

"Good. I was just explaining the debate schedule to Sebastian here, and you looked like you were dozing off . . ." _Sebastian? Sebas-chan! That was why I joined the club! _Grell thought, perking up. _Maybe in a passionate battle of words we can find true love . . ._

"Yes. I'm awake . . . what debate schedule?" The teacup smiled a wicked smile.

"Oh, did you think it was just Sebastian you were debating against? There are a range of debates we'll be holding. Sebastian, pass Grell the schedule, would you?" Sebastian passed the paper to him wordlessly, but shot him a look that would scare . . . scare, well, even Grell. It was clear the demon didn't want any trouble. Grell just shot him a flamboyant smile.

Grell looked down the list while the teacup continued to were debates for all the Black Butler characters, even the annoying earl and his fiancé. _Undertaker and William on the same team? That's going to be hilarious. _Grell couldn't help smile. _The teacup may be freaky, but she sure knows how to -_Then the thought died in his mind. For there, at the top of the page, in scrawled, messy handwriting were the fateful words:

**Debate one: Work or play?**

**Participants: Grell VS Sebastian.**

**Supervisor: Ella the teacup.**

**Time: Six PM.**

Grell looked down at his watch.

It was six o'clock. Time to debate.

* * *

A note from the Teacup. (Author)

Okay, this is the bit where I explain what the hell I'm doing. "I don't know," is the answer, by the way. I came up with this idea when I was thinking about how much the black butler characters must love fighting, as they do it all the time. And so, being the crazy teacup I am, I placed rules. RULES, I TELL YOU! An argument with rules . . . I think that's a debate . . . THE BLACK BUTLER DEBATE CLUB! Yes, next time Grell and Sebastian shall hold a debate, and who knows what will happen after that . . .

I'm sorry it's different to my normal debates, and that it has me in it. I don't want to get involved with my fan-fiction, because that is creepy. Really creepy, in fact, but I need to keep these "arguments with rules" in order. But I do have a request for you readers - could you tell me some good debating topics and the characters to go in them? Being a teacup, my ideas come from tea-leaves, and I'm almost out.


	2. Partners?

Although it was six thirty, the debate still hadn't begun. Sebastian was beginning to get impatient. He needed to prepare his masters dinner soon, and clean up the other servants attempt at replacing him, as they surely would do in the time he had been away. But it had been a while – half an hour, to be exact – and the debate was only just beginning. The problem was the teacup. It appeared to have an inner need to make everything a tad more difficult than necessary.

The teacup began the debate by saying, "What if we mix this up a little?"

Sebastian didn't like the sound of that. The only thing he liked mixing up was his master's tea. The red reaper was already facing him in a debate – surely that would be enough craziness to satisfy the strange little teacup thing for a while?

It appeared not.

"Oh, yes. What did the reviews say?" There was a pause while the cup flicked through her notes. "Right. A Sock Bandit asked if you two could fail at debating. Like, agreeing with each other."

"But Sebas-chan and I always agree! Except, you know, about – well, everything. And what do you mean, a sock bandit? I don't wear socks. _Ladies _wear tights." Grell said, wriggling his hips. " Funny, Sebastian had managed to forget Grell was in the room. His skin tickled with the irritation boiling beneath it.

"No – not a real sock – oh, whatever. I'm getting confused already. Okay, the debate is called, "Work or play" and I think that in order to get people's attention -" The teacup began, only to be cut off by Sebastian.

"What people?" Said Sebastian.

"I'll be recording everything that will be said in the debate, and there is a chance people will read it later in time. In order to, um, make the debate interesting, we should have a team switch. Typically, relying on your personalities, Sebastian would be arguing that work is better than play, and Grell would argue the opposite."

"Couples really shouldn't argue, you know, teacup-thingy," Grell began again.

"We're not a couple -"

"And I'm not a teacup-thingy." Finished Ella. "Where was I? Oh yes. So normally, Sebastian would argue that work is better than play, and Grell vice versa. Today," She paused for effect, "Grell will argue that work is better than play, and Sebastian will argue that play is better than work. I'll record everything."

"What!" (Normally, the word "what" has a question mark after it, but in this case, Grell shouted it so loud, an exclamation mark was the appropriate punctuation.) Grell shouted. Even Sebastian looked confused and a little annoyed. The teacup only shrugged, which was a little disturbing. (It did this by raising its handle upwards so that it was resting near its brim, then lowering it again, which caused an awkward scrapie sound, like teeth running against the edge of a plate.) This shocked both the immortals into silence, giving the teacup time to speak.

"I know, it sounds like a challenge – but there is an upside." She paused for effect. "Both of you," here there was another dramatic pause, which was getting on Sebastian nerves. Couldn't the crazy cup just tell him what humiliations he had to pass through? Finally she finished with, "get to choose partners from the remaining Black Butler characters."

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

So, another chapter. Thank you to Sock Bandit, for the idea of mixing the two ideas up, and to me, for being a genius. And a teacup. Most teacups tend to be geniuses, actually. I haven't met any others, you see. And the ones that I have met don't talk very much - and they don't seem to mind when people use teabags on them instead of tea leaves. (It's disgusting. Its like . . . it's like getting a mouth full of cotton when you were expecting a marshmallow. Horrible.)

I'm getting off topic. In the next chapter, we shall have two surprise guests - feel free to guess or suggest them to me in the reviews - and lots of arguing, and hopefully the pace of the story should pick up a little.


	3. William and Mey Rin join us

There was a long pause. Grell fiddled with his glasses. Although he would like to simply choose the current person he was infatuated with, the only one he would have liked to have a partnership with was on the other side of the room, preparing to debate against him. With a maid. Who wasn't Grell.

It was true - Sebastian had chosen Mey Rin. To Sebastian, it had simply seemed like a good idea at the time, as she could be a professional at playing when she was supposed to be working. He had thought - curse that foolish mind of his - that she would be a good partner to have in this debate. Now, he could see where he had gone wrong. One, because Mey Rin had sprung a nose bleed that hadn't stopped since he had chosen her as his partner. And, secondly, because Grell looked hurt. Not that he cared at all - it's just, well - okay, he did care a little about those green eyes that couldn't bring themselves to meet his. When would these emotional beings stop caring about him? One day he would simply disappear from their world. The day that Ciel's soul became his . . .

"I choose William T. Spears." Grell choked out. His face was going red, and the lump in his throat was becoming harder to keep down. The maid wasn't exceptionally pretty, nor was she smart, and she didn't appear to know that Sebastian was a demon - and yet when she blushed, Sebastian smiled. Was he seriously just toying with the emotions that clung to him?

William entered the room in minutes. He looked pissed.

"Sutcliff, you understand that you called me into this debate when I was trying to make up for overtime? We'll be working together again late tonight." Grell's sadness evaporated. Nothing like a good telling off from your fairly-good-looking boss to make you feel better.

"Oh, Will - you don't have to wait for tonight - you can work all over me anytime you li-" Grell was cut off by a stare from William that would have made babies scream, and grown men run for their lives.

"I swear, Sutcliff, I'm only doing this because the teacup confiscated my death scythe. I'll be receiving it once this debate is over, and if I hear any dumb jokes about us before then, I swear that the consequences shall not be pretty." Grell swallowed. The teacup, seeing his distress, changed the subject.

"Thanks for joining us, William. The debate is called, "work or play", and I'm sure you'll be able to help out Grell there, right? Also, if people could start calling me by my name, that would be nice. It's Ella, the teacup." Another evil glare was sent from those square rimmed glasses, this time at Ella, which made the teacup bliver a little. (To bliver, in the language of the teacups, means to shiver in fear, and blush with enjoyment at the same time. Its a common side effect of crushing on demons, death gods or overly epic characters in general, such as William T. Spears.)

"Okay, okay, now that we have everyone here, shall we stop with the overly boring buildup, and start the debate?" The teacup reached for the tape recorder.

"Yes." That was Sebastian. Not enthusiastic, not dreading it - just sure he was going to win.

"Uh- I mean, yes!" That was Mey Rin, who was feeling the waves of hate that Grell was sending her, and trying not to stare at Sebastian for too long at the same time, in fear of re-starting the nose-bleed that had only just stopped.

"That's what we're here for." William, for one, was certainly dreading it. (He did have a right to, I guess - he was locked in a room with a demon, a slightly insane grim reaper who was in love with him and no doubt many others, an exceptionally stupid human and a talking teacup. And he found all of them very annoying.)

"Of course - this shall be the argument that brings us only closer - and closer - and maybe just a little bit closer . . . " Grell said, edging closer to Sebastian on each "closer", only to be dragged back across the room by William.

And so the debate began. (Finally.)

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

Thanks to the people who left reviews - I tried to add in the characters that you suggested into this chapter, but some will need their own debate. You know, you can't have too much awesomeness in one debate - and I already take up a lot of it myself. Yes, so the next chapter will be written much like a script, as it's supposed to be what I recorded during the debate. (Of course, as I ship WilliamXGrell, there may be some sound effects I can't put down on paper - sorry, I'm just kidding.)

Anyway, I found out today that Tsugumi Ohba - the wonderful person that created Death Note - collects teacups. There we go, random fact of the day. That's one of the few things the world knows about him. BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE COLLECTED! So if I disappear from the fan-fiction world randomly, someone track down Tsugumi Ohba.


	4. Work or play?

**Ella**: Okay, I'm recording. Guys, remember that violence or a use of chain saws is against the rules. Grell, I'm looking at you.

**Grell**: Really? It's hard to tell when you're so small, not to mention a *sniggers* teacup.

**Ella**: Is that a problem? I hope you realize that I'm judging this competition.

**Grell** (annoyed): Sorry, Ella-sama.

**Ella**: You're forgiven. Who will start the debate?

**William**: We will.

**Ella**: Ah. Team Grelliam start the debate. *writes notes furiously*

**Grell**: Grelliam?

**Ella**: It's fanservice. Just go with it.

**William** (kind of confused, but understands enough to be annoyed): Right. Well, I believe that work is better than play, as the world won't progress at all if we choose to lounge back and muck around. *Shoots scary look at Grell*

**Mey Rin**: You know, Mr Sebastian, that man in the suit is nearly as scary as you, sometimes.

**Sebastian**: Quiet, Mey Rin. We need to focus on winning this debate together. *Mey Rins dissolves into a nose bleed at the word "together". Sebastian turns to team Grelliam.* See, death gods? Play is obviously what is in store for the world, making it better than work. See, this youth here, *grabs slightly unconscious Mey Rin* prefers play to work, correct?

**Ella**: Correct. But I don't see what that has to do with anything. Could you put the poor girl down, please? The blood from her nose is going on the carpet.

**Sebastian**: My apologies. *Puts Mey Rin down.* Anyway, you talked of the world progressing through hard work, death god? Well, this youth and many others think that play is better than work, and they are the ones that will change the world. Hence, the world progressing is going to be full of fun and enjoyment, for this reason, making it the better activity for the future. Although I, myself, don't agree with these points, its clear that this shall happen.

**Ella**: A face-slapping point from team Seb-Rin.

**Sebastian**: Seb-rin?

**Ella**: Fanservice, again. Just go with it.

**Grell**: You know what, Sebas-chan? I agree with you. playing is more fun, and without slacking off from work, I would have never met you.

**Sebastian**: You're not even on my team. You're supposed to be disagreeing with me.

**Grell**: I could never disagree with you, Sebas-chan.

**Ella**: You just did.

**Grell**: Doesn't matter. All good relationships have their ups and downs.

Sebastian: We're not in a relationship.

**William**: And whose side are you on, anyway, Sutcliff? You called me here, only to purposely lose a debate against that demon? That's not good enough. Anyway, playing around all the time will never get anything done. If we didn't do our job, people wouldn't die. Things will only ever get done through hard work.

**Grell**: "Playing around" will get you friends.

**William**: And who said I need friends?

**Grell**: You did. I heard your character song. *Sings snippet of Williams character song.* "After I've strictly finished my work, and have only loneliness to unravel -"

**William** *blushing*: When did I ever say that?

**Grell**: End of the chorus. Look up the lyrics, silly.

**Sebastian**: *Quiet laughter* My, you two can't even hold a debate without getting off topic. You really are proving my point.

**William**: Shut your mouth, foul demon -

**Ella**: If you're resorting to insults, William, I'm afraid it means that Sebastian and Mey Rin win. *looks at Mey Rin* Is she actually awake yet?

**Sebastian**: No, not yet. Thank you for the victory, teacup.

**Ella**: Actually, I have something to say about that "victory" of yours.

**Sebastian**: What?

**Ella**: *Points at Sebastian and Mey Rin.* I don't ship you two together.

**Grell**: *Quietly* That makes two of us.

**Sebastian**: *Ignoring Grell* How does that affect our victory?

**Ella**: By a lot. I would guess that more people out there like team Grelliam more than they like team Seb Rin.

**Sebastian**: So?

**Ella**: So, I make the rules when it comes to romance. (Teacups are very romantic beings, you know.) Grelliam wins, because they're a better couple.

**William**: We're not a couple. And how does that let us win?

**Grell**: We are a couple. And of course it lets us win.

**Ella**: I agree with Grell. You two should be a couple. But that's off the point. How does that make you two win, you ask? Well, last time I checked, I was in charge of the debate. So I make the rules.

**Sebastian**: That's just childish.

**Ella**: Your master is a child. After all, justice in this world is just a bunch of principles made by those with power to suit themselves. I have power. I use it to suit myself, I am saying that team Seb Rin do not win. MY WORD IS LAW. HAHAHAHA.

*A long and awkward silence*

**Sebastian**: . . . Sure. The shinigami win. I need to go prepare my masters dinner now, anyway. *Picks up the still-unconscious Mey Rin and leaves.*

**Ella**: Talk about a sore loser.

Team Grelliam win! (Sort of.)

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

I apologize. Did I forget to mention that the winners of the debate will sometimes just be my personal favorite? I didn't? Well, sorry, but that's the way this is going to work. Anyway, I hope you guys liked the script style of the debates. Some of you asked about or suggested for Alois to join us in the debate team. And, although I would certainly love to lock the memories of season two in a corner of my mind and pretend it never happened, if enough people _actually want _that crazy booty-short-butt in here, I'll get him to join. Whatever. Eugh.

On the other hand, I've had a lot of suggestions for debates from you people. You people and skunks. (Yes, apparently a skunk reads my fan-fictions. I'm honored, truly.) I do have a sort-of-schedule for debates, but with constant ideas popping in and fizzling out of my brain, its hard to decide on what debate to do next. (And people wonder why I can't do math.) Anyway, I think next time I'll try to get the Earl Phantomhive himself to have a debate with his loyal butler. This is my longest chapter EVER, so the chances of typos finding their way in here are a bit higher, but I tried my best not to muck up too much.

Until next time, people.

(By the way - I threw in a famous black butler quote into the debate. First person to tell me what it is and who said it wins a turtle.)


	5. Undertaker's cupboard

**Ella:** Hi people. So the last debate was a little . . . odd. Hopefully all the debates will be special in their own way, but I'm not going to bring romance into this one. At all. _Even _if the participants are Sebastian and Ciel.  
**Ciel:** What do you mean, _even _if it's Sebastian and Ciel?!  
**Ella:** . . . Nothing.  
**Sebastian:** Please ignore the teacup, my lord. She's a bit of a romantic.  
**Ella:** All teacups are. Anyway, on with the debate. The debate you two will argue out is called, "Cats or Dogs".  
**Sebastian:** We don't have to choose partners this time, do we? *Bad memories of the last debate fill mind*  
**Ella:** Nope. Just you two. And me. Alone.  
**Undertaker:** *Appearing from cupboard* Not anymore! Hehehehehehehehe . . .  
**Ella, Sebastian, and Ciel: **_**?!**_ (Yes, I am aware that punctuation cannot make a sound, but given that Ciel sort-of grunted, Sebastian made a "WTF" face, and Ella burst into slightly hysterical laughter, I think that mere punctuation will fill the hole I would dig describing all of that.)

*A long pause in which the participants gather their senses, and the teacup and Undertaker continues to laugh like demented bats. (Don't ask what that sounds like. Just don't.)*

**Sebastian:** . . . What are you doing here?  
**Ella:** I invited him.  
**Ciel:** You did?  
**Ella:** Not really. But by leaving a perfectly good cupboard in here for him to burst out of was pretty much an invitation.  
**Ciel:** Sebastian, why are we doing this again?  
**Ella:** So you can battle over your favorite house hold pet. Undertaker will help me judge.  
**Sebastian:** Does he have to?  
**Ella:** Yes. People kept requesting for Alois, but as Alois can't appear out of cupboards, so there's no way he can come just yet. Well, not until I move the cupboard from the doorway.  
**Sebastian:** Yes, I was wondering about that. Although, if it's keeping that brat out, I suppose its fine. May we start the debate now?  
**Undertaker:** Yes, my lord.  
**Sebastian:** Are you mocking me? *Scary face*  
**Undertaker:** No, of course not. What made you think that? I would never - *bursts into laughter*  
**Ciel:** *Face palming* Lets just start the debate, then move the cupboard, then leave.  
**Sebastian:** Yes, my lord.

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

I'm sorry, this chapter is kind of short. (Why am I always apologizing in my note?) I would make a good excuse, but unfortunately for me, I have none. Except that I got addicted to the Pandora Hearts manga and couldn't function properly for a while without bawling my eyes out and wailing. (Why, you ask? Two words. Xerxes Break.) So, yeah, this chapter is short. And it has Undertaker in. And not Alois. Deary me. How sad. Alois will join us once the cupboard blocking the doorway is moved. Which may take a while. Who knows.

Oh, by the way - Sock Bandit, you won a turtle for finding the Ciel Phantomhive quote. Well done, ect. Anyway, in the next chapter, there shall be maniacs. And cats. And dogs. And Undertaker. (Oh, wait, I already mentioned maniacs. My bad.) And no Alois just yet! (He can't get into the debate room because Undertaker's cupboard is blocking the doorway.)


	6. Ciel claims a victory! (Just not really)

**Yes, I am aware it has been a while since I uploaded. Sorry, but times have been hard. I ran out of tea leaves, my laptop broke, and my pet rock died. (His name was Sir Gargoyle. I forgot to feed him, and then one day I found he had turned to dust. Rest in pieces.) Anyway, enough with the moaning - here it the latest chapter of the debate team my brain could muster up.**

* * *

**Undertaker:** So, I'm helping you judge, correct?

**Ella:** Yep. And I think our contestants are ready to begin.

**Ciel:** Can I start?

**Undertaker:** Someone's eager.

**Ella:** Eager indeed. Could it be that the earl Phantomhive is having . . . fun?

**Ciel:** *Annoyed* No. I just want to get this over with.

**Sebastian:** Then, young master, go ahead.

**Ciel:** Whatever. This is humiliating. Uh, I believe that dogs are better than cats.

*Long silence*

**Ella:** That's it?

**Ciel:** What?

**Ella:** In a debate, you need to back up your reasons with facts and explanations.

**Ciel:** I don't need to justify my actions.

Sebastian: Please, just try to co-operate with the teacup so this ends as quickly and as smoothly as possible.

**Ciel:** Fine. I guess, dogs are better as they are loving and fun.

**Undertaker:** Being an undertaker is fun . . .*

**Ella:** What?

**Undertaker:** *Laughter*

**Sebastian:** Ignoring our "special" judges, young master, I must say that your reasoning is shoddy. Dogs will be there for as long as you continue to give them orders to satisfy their hungry jaws, but once that's over, the scent of betrayal shall fill the air, and those very jaws will turn to you. (**Ella:** You know, I have a feeling that's a metaphor for something . . .)

**Undertaker:** That's deep.

**Ella:** Yep. *Takes notes.* Sebastian pulls into the lead!

**Ciel:** *Irritation* Sebastian, let me win the debate.

**Ella:** Hey, that's not how a debate works -

**Undertaker:** That's right. Not fun at all, in fact.

**Sebastian:** Is that an order, my lord? Remember, once we leave this club, Alois will take to the stand in your place . . . are you all right with that?

**Ciel:** Of course. That weirdo has nothing to do with me. (**Ella:** Well, it depends what people leave in the comments . . .)

**Sebastian:** In that case, I admit defeat. *Turns to Ella* Would you like me to move the cupboard as we leave?

**Ella:** *Inner face-palm* Yes, that's fine. *Turns to Undertaker as the two of them leave.* This is why I hate debating with Earls. They are all order, no debate.

**Undertaker:** My thoughts exactly. Good luck putting up with the booty shorts. *disappears into the cupboard which Sebastian promptly removes.*

Ciel wins! (Sort of.)

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

So, yes. There has been a death in the family. My pet rock. The mourning process I went through stopped me from writing. (My mourning process included a lot of sleeping and eating. And procrastination.)

Yes, it's been hard. But finally I got back to writing and all that. As Sebastian so kindly moved the cupboard from the doorway, Alois will probably be in the next chapter with a secret mystery guest - you people will have who you want for me. I'm tired.

Right then. I shall return back to my cupboard full of teapots and sugar bowls with no manners. Bye.

*It's a character song reference.


	7. And so Alois arrives

**Warning: The following chapter contains Alois Trancy and Claude Faustus, characters whose minds are hard to capture in the current writing power I possess. In other words, our favorite booty-short-madman and spider-man may be a little out of character. That is all.**

* * *

**Ella: **Why am I doing this?

**Alois:** Because you love me?

**Ella:** No. but seriously, why am I doing this? And why are _you_ here? I thought Ciel Was going to debate again . . .

**Claude:** Well, I am his highness's butler. Ciel refused to join us - I also replaced that door-cupboard of yours to keep Sebastian out.

**Ella:** I hate you sometimes. (Seriously, Grell may find him attractive, but that's no excuse for the fact that he was a lying, cheating, butler from hell. Literally.)

**Alois:** Who? Claude? Nobody could hate him . . .

**Ella:** Somehow, myself and many others are able to pull that off.

**Alois:** Why, that's so rude - I'm going to smash you! Stupid teacup!

**Ella:** Who's being rude now?

**Claude:** Please, your highness, avoid arguing with the teacup. She will be judging our debate, after all.

**Alois:** *Pleased at the stream of attention from Claude.* Fine, fine. What are we debating about? *Leans back on chair.*

**Ella:** I don't know.

*A moment of silence.*

**Claude:** Excuse me, I must have heard you incorrectly. YOU don't know? I thought you were running the debate.

**Ella:** Nope. Out of tea leaves. Out of ideas.

**Alois:** Well, we could argue out our fashion sense.

**Ella:** Oh, yes. Can we get the dramatic story behind the booty shorts?

**Claude:** *Rudely ignoring Ella* What would you like me to argue with you about?

**Alois:** The glasses. I don't understand them.

**Ella:** I have to agree with you there.

**Claude:** What's so odd about my glasses?

**Ella:** Okay, so when you're doing everyday tasks that take no real concentration, you leave your glasses on. Yet, when you're fighting and doing all that life threatening stuff, you take your glasses off, although you probably need the best eyesight possible when fighting. Why? I mean, when you do your little dance thingy, you leave them on, even though the amount of jolting around your face and glasses is around the same as the amount when you're fighting. Why don't you just leave them on or take them off completely?

**Alois:** Yeah. Those glasses are weird. If you're not actually using them for seeing things, why do you even have them?

**Claude:** I could say the same thing about your - what was the term you used?

**Ella:** Booty shorts?

**Claude:** Yes. Those booty shorts. They make me uncomfortable. *Pushes glasses up and blushes.*

**Alois:** *Pleased at Claude's discomfort.* Does this make you uncomfortable? Does this make you uneasy? How about_ this? _(I would explain what was going on here, but the human race isn't ready for the mental images that have scarred me from that moment to this one.)

**Ella:** Please. Stop.

**Alois:** Well, no matter how you look at it, my booty shorts are important to me! And I look good in them!

**Ella:** Lets save this argument for the next chapter. I need some Earl Grey . . .

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

Alois finally joined us. Yay. Do I sound like I'm lacking in enthusiasm? Because I am. It's really hard to capture his character, but I've tried my best. You may just have to use the power of _Imagination_. (Whoop. My favorite.)

Right then. Ella is over and out.


	8. The story behind the booty shorts

**Ella:** Yep. It's finally time for the dramatic back story behind those fabulous booty shorts.

**Claude:** This is making me seriously uncomfortable . . .

**Alois:** Good.

**Ella:** Wait, what are you two _doing_?

**Claude:** In order to get a view of each other's perspectives, my master came up with the idea that we should swap our "signature fashion items".

**Ella:** So, did he have to order you to wear the booty shorts, or did you just go with it?

**Claude:** . . . I just went with it.

**Alois:** Hey, do these glasses make my eyes look big?

**Ella:** Your eyes are always big. So, are those glasses good for anything?

**Alois:** Well, Claude must need them a little . . . It's kind of hard to see . . . *Rubs Claude's face and lips.*

**Claude:** May I inquire what that was for, your highness?

**Alois:** Sorry . . . Didn't see you there . . . Is this your face? *Continues to stroke Claude's face*

**Claude:** My glasses aren't that blinding . . .

**Alois:** So, if you're not "_that" _blind, why do you need these? At least my booty shorts are entertaining . . .

**Claude:** If I share the reason for my glasses, will you explain why you wear these . . . things . . . *Squirms uncomfortably*

**Ella:** Claude Faustus squirming . . . what a sight . . .

**Alois:** If that's what you want, Claude, then that's fine. Tell me about these glasses.

**Ella:** Yes! Then I can judge the debate by who has a better back story!

**Claude:** Well, I'll begin then. *Pause*

**Alois:** . . . Well? *Impatient tongue motion. (I had never seen an impatient tongue motion before that time. It was a little like . . . you know when elephants wave their trunks in air like a flag? Yeah. Like that.)*

**Claude:** You may already be aware of this, but spiders have eight eyes. When taking on a human form, I can only have eight eyes. Evidently, I keep the rest of my eyes sealed inside the glass of the glasses, hence I am using all my eyes when doing everyday chores, but when fighting, I only need the ones that face forward, into the future.

**Ella:** That was terrible. "Into the future"? Seriously?

**Claude:** You asked about my glasses. I told you about my glasses.

**Alois:** That means . . . I'm wearing six of your eyes?

**Claude:** Yes. You may want to take those off. They will damage your eyesight.

**Ella:** Right. Well, aside from Claude's, frankly, terrible back story, we now have yours, Alois.

**Alois:** Right. Well, you all know that I was my "father's" favourite doll, giving me more freedom to wander around the estate before he died . . .

**Ella:** Yep. Been there, done that.

**Alois:** Well, there was one condition.

**Ella:** And that was that you had to wear the booty shorts?

**Alois:** Yeah. As long as I had half my ass hanging out, that pervert let me do what I wanted. And I got used to them, I suppose . . . And as long as they keep making Claude uncomfortable, I'll keep wearing them - but they do look good on you, Claude.

**Claude:** You are too kind, master. Now, may I take these shorts off and finish the debate?

**Ella:** Actually, both of your back stories were pretty terrible - Alois wins, because at least his idea to swap outfits was amusing.

**Alois:** Victory!

**Ella:** And for that reason, Claude shall be punished for his loss by wearing the booty shorts anytime he takes part in a debate. *Evil laughter of doom.* (I said I hated him, didn't I?)

**Alois:** That's fine with me. Stop blushing Claude - you have nice legs.

**Claude:** Let's head back to the estate, your highness. It must be getting late. *Rises out of his chair awkwardly. Like, really awkwardly. Awkwardly to the point where Ciel's dancing would have looked good in comparison.*

**Alois:** Call me in anytime, Teacup. I feel that's its good for Claude's blush muscles to take part in these debates. (Yes, he said blush muscles. The record doesn't lie. In reality, blushing is caused by red blood cells flowing to the face because the nervous system is going haywire - but then, I guess Alois' theory was funnier.)

**Ella:** Goodbye. I think I have a debate with Lizzy and Edward Midford next . . . untill next time, Trancy!

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author)

I don't know what happened there with the booty shorts thing. It just sort of happened - well, it was fun to write, anyway. Next up is Lizzy and Edward . . . perhaps a debate about Ciel is in order? Lizzy sees him through rose-colored glasses, but Edward just can't bring himself to like him, as respectful as he is. (By the way, Edward is a character is the manga, so if you haven't read that then you shall be confused. So go read it. Now. It's so worth it . . . so worth it, seriously.)

I also couldn't help but think while I was writing this - "If Claude stores the rest of his eyes in his glasses lenses, where does he keep the rest of his legs?". Anyway, I apologize for the punishment I gave Claude in this chapter, but I don't want his face around here unless it's going to make me laugh. Call me selfish, but it's true.

Right then. See you next time.


	9. The fight for Lizzy!

**Ella: **First of all, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to upload for ages. (To make this debate happen, I had to visit Edward Midford. While visiting his residence, I happened to meet Elizabeth Midford – who, in her rush to proclaim my cuteness, stood on me. I had to be stored in the sugar cupboard for weeks to recover. It's a hard life being a teacup.) But here is the new chapter of the black butler debate team, featuring Edward Midford and Ciel Phantomhive!

**Edward** *respectfully*: Um, what's all of this about?

**Ciel:** This teacup captures people and makes them participate in debates she then records and leaves on the "in-ter-net".

**Ella:** I don't capture people!

**Ciel:** Then why was I dragged here in chains?

**Ella:** Because you refused to come when I asked you. Anyway, the topic of the new debate is called "The fight for Elizabeth!"

***Long Silence***

**Edward:** *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED* *AUDIO REMOVED*. Hey, and Ciel, *AUDIO REMOVED*!

***Another long silence, where the victims of Edward's rant about his little sister recover and find their way back to their seats.***

**Ciel:** Well, I feel that there is already an obvious winner here. Elizabeth is my fiancée. She belongs to me.

(**Ella:** Is this the inner Ciel? Does he truly have loving feelings?

**Ciel:** No, but Sebastian told me to act more loving in public.

**Ella:** . . . Oh.)

**Edward:** Like hell she's yours! I'm her brother! Even when you two are married, I'll still be closer to her then you ever will be!

**Ciel:** Closer, eh? Well, who was she cheering for at our cricket game?

**Edward** *scared*: Well, I wasn't really looking . . . But I'm sure she was cheering for me! Because she likes me more than she likes you!

**Ella:** Actually, there weren't many shots of Elizabeth cheering for either of you . . . just at the end bit . . .

**Ciel:** Yes. She was cheering for me. You know, when I WON.

**Edward:** *AUDIO REMOVED*

**Ciel:** What language for the knight of England.

**Edward:** SHUT UP, PHANTOMHIVE! SHE LIKES ME MORE! I WISH YOU'D GONE AND DROWNED ON THAT SILLY BOAT WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!

**Ciel:** Oh, and what were you doing while I was nearly drowning on that old boat? What was it? Running away?

**Ella:** We're kind of off-topic here, but I'm starting to think that your hate for each other didn't just start at Elizabeth . . .

**Edward:** Of course it didn't! As hard as I try to be respectful, I'll never accept Ciel Phantomhive as a brother-in-law! He's not good enough for my sister!

**Ciel:** Not good enough for her? I've saved her three times!

**Edward:** Three times?! You liar! Elizabeth only told me about two times . . .

**Ciel:** Exactly. Lizzie doesn't tell you everything because she doesn't trust you. Because she doesn't like you. *Smug look.*

**Edward:** Well, prove to me that you're good enough for her! Tell me about the times when you've saved her!

**Ciel:** So . . . The first time, there was the incident with the bear that nearly ate her . . .

**Edward:** Yes, she told me about that one. Go on.

**Ciel:** Then there was the time I risked my life by joining her in the sinking part of the ship . . .

**Edward:** Heard about it. Now tell me about the third time.

**Ciel:** You really want to know?

**Edward:** Yes.

**Ciel:** If I tell you, it will mean that I win the debate.

**Edward:** This has gone past the stage of a silly debate. Tell me.

**Ciel:** You won't stab me, or start another rant? You'll just give me the victory?

**Edward:** Yes. Now tell me.

**Ella***In a whisper*: The suspense . . .

**Edward:** Go on. Now.

**Ciel:** I told her to get undressed and follow me.

***It was after this that Ciel won by default, because, for starters, Edward stood on me while trying to get to Ciel's neck, so I may not be uploading as much for a few more weeks. Although, it is true. During the Ship Voyage arc, Ciel does save Lizzie from drowning by being a pervert, so he won the debate. I see some very funny family reunions in the future . . . ***

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author.)

So, hello again. I am truly sorry that I haven't uploaded in a while. If you haven't read the manga, this chapter may be a little confusing. Edward Midford is a character who only appears in the manga - there are multiple references to his respectful, sister-loving character that the manga-readers may be able to spot, although I did make him a little out of character at some points. Oh well.

If you haven't read the amazing manga, you should try to, as there are new arcs coming out from it now that the book of circus has finished. (I was **not** crying in the last episode when they showed all the dead characters dancing in the sky with a dramatic piano solo in the background . . . those tears were because of an onion I had cut the day before. Totally.)Who should I debate with next? I'm thinking maybe some more shinigami are in order, but they're all so fabulous I can't decide . . .

Adiós.


	10. The start of the catchphrase battle!

**Ella:** And that is the story of how I was stood on twice in one chapter . . .

**Grell:** That was simply pathetic.

**Ella:** I know.

**Sebastian:** Although I am aware that you would love to chat with that red creep all day, please begin the debate. I have to prepare my master's dinner soon.

(**Grell:** Sebas-chan gave me a nickname! That shows familiarity! A relationship in the making!

**Ella:** Grell, he called you a "red creep". What part of that sounds like a loving pet name?

**Grell:** . . . Any sound that leaves those lips sound loving to me. Even the coldest of his cool words are but love poems to me . . .

**Ella:** You're doomed. Seriously.

**Grell:** It's funny. That's what Ronald is always telling me when I talk that way about William.)

**Claude:** I have some . . . knives . . . to sharpen. So please hurry this up.

**Sebastian:** *Turning to Claude* Why is Mr Claude wearing booty shorts?

**Ella:** It was his punishment for losing a debate. Now he has to wear his masters booty shorts when he participates in one of my debates.

**Grell:** That was an awesome idea . . . I don't suppose the same punishment would be available for Sebas-chan?

**Ella:** Well . . . maybe. If you win the debate, I suppose I could arrange a special "Punishment Time" with Sebastian . . . *Grell nosebleeds into space.*

Sebastian: _No._

**Claude** *desperately trying to change the subject*: So, what are we doing here?

**Ella:** Well, I was out of ideas, then when I was in the shower this morning -

**Grell:** Too much information.

**Ella:** Sorry. Anyway, I was in the shower - some people call my shower a dishwasher, but it's clearly a shower - and I came up with the idea of A CATCHPHRASE BATTLE! *Dramatic music plays*

**Claude:** What?

**Ella:** *Facepalm* A debate over which one of your catchphrases are better. This debate may be the longest ever. Be prepared.

**Sebastian:** I suppose my master's dinner can wait . . . I am prepared to prove that my catchphrase is better than all of yours.

**Grell:** I did have work to do, but I think those souls can wait. (Besides, William's face gets this delicious flush in it when he's angry at me.)

**Claude:** I suppose I can compete in this debate . . . although I'm not sure that all of you are ready for the brilliance that is my catchphrase.

**Ella:** So you're all in?

**Sebastian:** Yes, my not-bocchan.

**Claude:** Yes, your not-highness.

**Grell:** A "Punishment Time" with Sebas-chan?! I'm in this debate as a butler of DEATH!

* * *

A note from the teacup. (Author.)

I know. I said in the last chapter that it would be a while before I could upload anything else. But then one of my common enemies, Boredom, attacked with a friend of his, Procrastination. Well, when Boredom AND Procrastination attack at once, you can only turn to those who you trust, those who you love, and those who have made you smile through you tears . . . Anime. Yes, Anime. Anime saved me from Boredom, but has joined forces with Procrastination, as I am now sitting here writing this instead of studying for exams. (Why can't they have exams for people who suffer from anime-procrastination, with questions like; "Name all the Black Butler arcs in order.")

Anyway, thanks to my ability to procrastinate like a pro, I am now writing a new debate on the catchphrase battle. Yay. Does anyone else suffer from my condition?

Auf Wiedersehen.


End file.
